We got our CSA today and there are a lot of radishes. I’ve decided the best tactic for handling this is (obviously) to make ceviche, so I will start that soon. It will also take care of some of the tomatoes we were given by Kevin’s boss, and also it is delicious. Lots of birds and stones there.
Yesterday, my first day off, I collaged in the morning, then hung out with Pam and drank coffee and ate figs at her new house. I have decided that when we get the sidewalk redone and can finally plant trees, I want a fig tree first and foremost. I will do anything to have figs growing outside my house. Anything. Pam and i drove down to South Street to hit Jinxed and Infinite; there was nothing for us at Jinxed, but we both bought (the same) earrings at Infinite. Mine are huge brass hoops, hers are smaller brass hoops. Both textured and “old” looking. $50 later, I got me some earbings. I volunteered to do renewals at the dog park so Kaya and I hung out there for two full hours yesterday. She met 15+ dogs during that time and seriously enjoyed every moment. I was worried about keeping her there that long and not being “allowed” to leave, but she was so good the whole time and I had worried for naught. Nighttimes included yet more collaging — I am addicted — and writing some in a secret notebook that I will mail off someday this week. I have been keeping up with 365 so far, which I guess isn’t too big of an accomplishment since it has only been one week, but there’ve been attempts in the past that ended earlier than this. Kudos to me, ok?
I got my nails done early this week and they are a lovely cobalt blue color. Pointy as shit, too, which pleases me to no end. The gal called them “stiletto nails.” The only stilettos I wear.
If you wanna talk about something significant or important, you came to the wrong place.
though how to really own your shit would be to talk about this on your tumblr and talk about how you fucked up in the past and will try to fuck up less in the future.
Ways I have really fucked up (that I know about):
1. I misgendered an acquaintance when speaking to their then-partner. I was mortified, corrected myself, and tried to move on with the conversation. I was also wasted — these are not excuses, they are reminders to myself to be more careful under these conditions because it is my job to remain vigilant even if I am not sober.
2. I have misgendered customers who come into the coffee shop. Saying, “Hello, ladies!” when “Hello, folks!” would be sufficient and just as friendly. The lesson here is for me not to assume someone’s gender upon seeing them — case in point, my friend C, who has been amazing and forgiving of my idiotic assumption upon meeting him — I need to use less gendered language, too, and this is something I have improved upon in the past couple of years.
3. About three years ago when cleaning up a coffee shop I worked at, I said out loud to a co-worker that the owner should “hire some Mexicans to do this job right.” I was joking about our boss being unreasonable, but obviously that isn’t funny. It was one of the more fucked up things I have ever, ever uttered out loud. My co-worker at the time garnered an incredible amount of respect from me when she called my ass out and told me my statement was unacceptable to her. I apologized immediately — and then apologized and thanked her again about a year later. I am most ashamed of this one, I feel sick even typing it out. The fact that this shit came out of my mouth makes me want to hide under a rock and never come out again.
4. I am sure there have been one million transgressions I wasn’t aware of, and for those I am sorry too.
I hope to find more people like my co-worker mentioned in #3, and surround myself with them. I am grateful for the friends I have who do and will continue to call me out when I say or do something that is wrong. I am thankful to have found an online community which encourages me to keep learning, and illustrates to me when I have done something wrong (or even just tacitly supported wrongdoing). It’s an ongoing process. This is part of it.
I painted my first oil painting. First painting ever, actually, and I was so terrified that I almost cried in the middle of class. Luckily, I got the fuck over myself enough to paint something and it’s not even terrible. It was a strange, awesome day so far, my best boy is back in town, and now dinner with my momma and our fellas.